The Things We Don't Say Out Loud
There's a particular moment that happens in therapy, usually a few sessions in, when someone finally says something they've never said before. Not to a partner, not to a best friend, not even fully to themselves. The room gets quieter. Their voice drops. And they say, "I've never told anyone this, but..."
What follows is rarely the dramatic confession they've built it up to be in their minds. More often, it's something heartbreakingly ordinary: "I don't think I'm doing a very good job at life." Or "Sometimes I wonder if anyone would actually miss me if I disappeared." Or simply, "I'm so tired of pretending I'm fine."
The Weight of Unspoken Things
We all carry thoughts we don't voice. Some are fleeting, passing judgments, petty frustrations, intrusive worries that dissolve as quickly as they arrive. But others take up residence. They become the background noise of our inner world, the things we think about in the shower, at 2am, or in the queue at Tesco when our mind wanders.
These unspoken thoughts often fall into familiar patterns:
"I feel like a fraud." The imposter syndrome narrative, where you're convinced everyone will discover you're not as capable, intelligent, or together as they think. You've simply been very good at faking it, and the reveal feels inevitable.
"I don't know if I love them anymore." The relationship doubt that feels too dangerous to explore, let alone say aloud. What if voicing it makes it real? What if it destroys everything?
"I'm terrified I've wasted my life." The creeping panic that you've made wrong choices, taken wrong turns, and now it's too late to course-correct.
"I don't think I'm a good parent/partner/person." The crushing self-judgment that sits beneath the surface of daily life, colouring every interaction with shame.
Why We Keep Silent
We don't say these things out loud for good reasons, or at least, reasons that feel good at the time. We fear judgment. We fear confirmation. We fear that speaking something makes it more true, more real, more permanent.
There's also something else: we assume we're alone in thinking them. We imagine everyone else has it figured out, that our private doubts and fears are uniquely ours. So we perform competence, contentment, and confidence, all while carrying this parallel internal narrative no one sees.
What Happens When We Speak
Here's what I've witnessed countless times: when someone finally voices the thing they've been holding, something shifts. Not because I offer a magical solution or profound wisdom, but because the thought once spoken often loses some of its power.
In the light of day, examined with compassion rather than judgment, these thoughts reveal themselves differently. They're not facts. They're not even necessarily truths. They're stories we've been telling ourselves, often for years, without questioning them.
The Power of Being Heard
If you're carrying something unspoken, something that feels too shameful, too frightening, or too overwhelming to voice, you're not alone. The thoughts that feel most isolating are often the most universal.
The internal voice that tells you you're not enough? Others hear it too. The fear that you're fundamentally broken or unlovable? It's more common than you think. The exhaustion of maintaining a facade? You're not the only one who feels it.
Maybe today isn't the day you speak these things out loud. But knowing they exist, recognising them for what they are, thoughts, not facts, is a start. And when you're ready, finding someone safe to say them to can change everything.
Not because they'll have all the answers. But because being truly heard, without judgment, reminds us we're human. Flawed, uncertain, struggling and worthy of compassion anyway.
If you're ready to explore what you've been carrying in silence, I offer a free 20-minute consultation. Sometimes the hardest part is simply starting the conversation.